Adair & Friends, Episode 0

I've officially gotten my first piece of fanfiction. I looked over at my husband to see what he was working on and caught the word "Drake" in his open text document. I asked him what he was doing and he looked up at me with a sheepish smile.

Here's the ridiculous script he wrote titled Adair & Friends, Episode 0: Sol Finds A Skateboard In The Trash. (Yes, my story does frequently read like a cartoon, so this isn't at all out of character.)


(Inside the inn. Excited footbeats outside, culminating with Sol flinging open the door.)

Sol: (to Adair & Etri, who are seated nearby) Guys guys guys guys GUYS! You will _never_ guess what I found!

(Adair & Etri are seated on either side of a chessboard; neither one of them looks up. Adair keeps reaching toward a chess piece, then withdrawing his hand and saying, "Hmmmmmm." This repeats several times until Sol gets fed up.)

Sol: (holds out skateboard) Guys! Come on! This is really cool! Come on, pay attention to me!

(Adair & Etri look up at Sol briefly, then immediately go back to hemming and hawing over chess. Adair finally touches a piece, then lets go.)

Etri: You touched it. You have to move that one.

Adair: No I don't.

Etri: Yes you do. That's the rules.

Adair: (pause, then...) Hmmmmmm.

Sol: Aw, you guys are useless.

(Sol walks towards an exit, where he sees Grandeau and Chantrell. He beckons.)

Sol: You. Kids. C'mere. I'm about to do something rad.



(Out in the street. Sol is atop the largest hill in town, which is paved with cobblestones. He has one foot on the skateboard. Chantrell is at the bottom of the hill next to a ramp and several wine barrels; Grandeau is lying on the ground in the middle of them.)

Chantrell: (yelling) ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

Sol: (yelling back) I'M SURE IT'S AN AWESOME IDEA!

(Sol kicks off the skateboard and starts rolling down the hill. As soon as he hits the cobblestones he begins to lose control. He veers toward the ramp just as Grandeau sits up to see what's going on; Grandeau ducks but loses his hat in the process. The hat now covers Sol's face. Sol continues flying down the street, totally blind, until there is a WHUMP sound. Sol pulls the hat off of his face and sees that he has collided with Drake, who is now also stuck on the skateboard.)

Drake: What the...? (yelling) SOL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Sol: (yelling) I HAVE NO IDEA!

Drake & Sol: (in unison) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

(Drake & Sol continue to shout in unison as they zip across town uncontrollably.)



(Back at the inn. Blythe is upset with Adair & Etri.)

Blythe: You let him do WHAT? You know how irresponsible he is!

(Adair & Etri both look up at Blythe for a moment, then return to their chess game.)

Adair: Hmmmmmm.

Blythe: Ugh, _fine_. I guess _I_ have to go get him.

(Blythe exits the inn and steps out into the street. She takes no more than two steps when WHUMP! The skateboard collides with her and she is whisked away along with Drake and Sol.)

Blythe: Sol, you are in _big_ trouble. And YOU! I should have known you were involved.

Drake: Me? What did I do?


(The three of them careen into the market place. They fly through a pie stand; Drake gets a pie in the face. Then they hit a fruit cart; Sol ends up with pears in his eyes and bananas sticking out of his mouth. Then they hit a table at a restaurant and Blythe ends up with a bacon mouth and fried egg eyes. They shake them off in unison as they fly toward the pier.)



(The skateboard hits the pier carrying Drake, Blythe and Sol, who still has Grandeau's hat on his head. As soon as they hit the boards, the skateboard starts to jitter. They lose what little control they had and careen toward the end of the dock as people jump off to escape them. The three of them hit the water with a splash.)

Sol: (emerges) Ha! I _said_ it would be awesome!

Blythe: (emerges) Grrrrrr!

(She grabs Grandeau's hat off of Sol's head and whomps him with it repeatedly.)

Drake: (emerges) Here, give me that for a second.

(He takes the hat and begins wailing on Sol with it.)



(Back at the inn. The door slams open and a dripping Blythe walks in. She is steaming mad.)

Blythe: Oooooh, I am wet.

(She heads off to another room to clean up. Sol and Drake, already dry [Meri's note: fire mages], slink in behind her and walk up to Adair & Etri, still at the chessboard.)

Sol: Hey guys, uhh... you should probably stay away from her for a while.

(Adair & Etri look at the other two briefly, then return to their chess game.)

Adair: Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmm.

Etri: You have no idea how to play chess, do you?

Adair: No, not a clue.


(Credits roll, then jump back to the streets. It is dark. Chantrell still stands next to the wine barrels and the ramp; crickets chirp. After a few moments, she speaks.)

Chantrell: I think we can probably go inside now.

(Grandeau's head pops up from between the wine barrels. End.)



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